Go listen to this song: https://youtu.be/50ygAc2qP5A

The man who wrote and sings this song has a son with a congenital heart defect. It has brought me to tears, provided me comfort, and readjusted my heart numerous times on my journey with Kiran.

It is human nature to want to protect ourselves, and I have struggled on more than one occasion with attempting to build walls around my own heart, to practice avoidance, when big things are on the horizon.

Maybe because it has been years – literally since March of 2017 – since Kiran has had a surgery – Tuesday has really been affecting me. I’m emotionally flailing. I am practicing avoidance again, trying to barricade my heart.

But, what I want to be doing: “Let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed”

I know so many of you regularly lift our family up by praying for us, sending good vibes, and being in touch with encouragement…I ask for all of that over these next few days, and especially on Tuesday. Kiran is older now, so he doesn’t get the comfort of being first case anymore. We check in at 11 am, and he can’t have anything to eat past midnight (I do plan to wake him and give him a snack and some pedialyte prior to midnight – that’s a long time for a little dude!)

There are other factors at play this time, too, that increase my anxiety. And I ask that you include prayers and thoughts for respect and peace for everyone who will be present that day.

Kiran is a strong, brave little boy, and I have the utmost faith in his surgeon, in his history of textbook anesthesia experiences, and in his fighting spirit. Somehow, even with all of that, I am struggling.