Am I a good mom?

I think, if I’m being brutally, vulnerably honest, I ask myself that question every single day. Some days, multiple times.

Yesterday was such a good day. Kiran had his miracle league baseball game with great buddies, and both sets of grandparents were there to cheer him on.

We had a birthday party of a dear friend to attend, and Kiran was so happy and had a great time.

And then – for the second time in almost 8 years – I accidentally yanked his g-tube out while feeding him his snack. And instantly, all the “good momming” I had done for the past – I don’t know – YEARS – went out the window.

Ugh.

There is no manual for parenting. For anyone. And there is especially no manual for a unique kid like Kiran. I definitely parent with confidence – and advocate with even more – but it’s all feigned.

I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time.

And sure – I could take credit for his happiness – but really, that’s him. He is a happy, easygoing dude. I have nothing to do with it, and I’m SO thankful for it.

I’ll question forever. And it will keep me striving to be the best mom I can possibly be for this amazing kid.

It’s all I can do.