My inner two year old has come out this holiday season. The one that wants to cross her arms, stomp her feet, and shout how unfair this all is.

It’s not that I assumed we would never get Covid. We have made deliberate, intentional choices that invite greater risk now that we are fully vaccinated and boosted. I knew it would happen eventually, though I held hope it may not. But to experience it the way we have, over the Christmas holiday, feels severely unfair.

Eric tested positive first, and Kiran and I tested negative. We immediately isolated and began masking when we were in the same areas of the house. Kiran and I still tested negative Christmas morning, which means we were not together. When Kiran went to his dad’s at noon, I spent the rest of the day alone on the couch watching TV, while Eric isolated his positive self in our bedroom. We still wanted to give Kiran the best possible chance of not getting infected.

But, as the universe would have it, Kiran and I tested positive the very next morning. So glad we sacrificed our Christmas (I am – I will never regret the precautions we take to keep Kiran safe and healthy)….

For me, Covid has sucked. The worst part is the sheer exhaustion. I vacuumed the living room yesterday, five days into my illness, and felt like I needed to lie down afterwards.

Kiran has held his own. He’s a tough guy. I am relieved and thrilled, though I have some concerns with the new research coming out about how Covid may affect our immune systems long-term. We are where we are, and I am thankful he had the most mild symptoms in our household.

We are still postponing – and anxiously waiting – our family Christmas celebrations. I was so disappointed we had to miss so many fun plans. The day Eric tested positive, I had texted my parents prior and said “I just want to skip over all this stuff (referring to food plans, etc) and relax and be with my family. That’s all I care about.” I was looking forward to spending quality time with my parents, with Eric’s girls (and one fiance), and with Eric’s extended family for their last big Christmas hurrah. I am still grieving what we had to miss – I have strengthened that muscle of disappointment over the last few years, I suppose – I hate missing out on Christmas. It’s my favorite, and now it feels over.

It just sucks.