tired

I’m tired.

This has been a season of difficult decisions, one after the other. A season of assessing risk and making tough choices, when there is no easy answer to be found.

I’m tired.

This has been a time during which I have been forced to assess the people in my life, and as it turns out “my people” are few and precious. And unexpected.

I’m tired.

Every time I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be another damn freight train coming at us.

I’m tired.

I am making the best decisions I am capable of and I own every single one, and yet it is also somehow on me to carry the decisions others are making.

I’m tired.

I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to make another single difficult decision.

I will. Because that’s what I do. I am Kiran’s mama, and we have come too far for me to stop assessing risk and making hard decisions now. He gets his second shot next week, giving him a level of protection he hasn’t had. He’s back in school. We will spend time with extended family this Christmas, Omicron-willing (that’s the freaking freight train, and I am grieving grieving grieving).

And I am so damn tired.