This seems to be my first sentiment of the morning, every morning, as I wake to another day that looks similar to the day before and the day before that and the day before that and the….

We are all in the same boat, though the storm is likely hitting us differently.

But this is actually a blog update about poop.  I know, you’re welcome.

Since Kiran was diagnosed with constipation and put on a Miralax clean-out, some things have happened.  First, I think we have finally landed on the maintenance dose of Miralax he will need daily for the next few months, to get his body to a place where he doesn’t need the help anymore.  Both his pediatrician and GI doctor had good discussions with me about what this does to help put his body in a position to expel waste without needing the Miralax, and we have a solid plan in place to get him off the Miralax as well.

Second, I have been in touch with the dietitian we see at Kiran’s feeding clinic about the new blend recipes I’ve been working on to incorporate more iron into his diet via food (instead of adding a supplement, which may exacerbate the constipation issue).  She praised my recipes, offered a few more iron-rich food ideas, and couldn’t really answer the one question I had about decreasing volume in the couple of my recipes.  It was good to be validated and know I am on the right track in providing Kiran’s nutritional needs – I certainly spend enough time on researching, planning, and blending!

Third, both doctors I spoke to regarding the last step of Kiran’s digestion encouraged me to regularly (once or twice a day) have him sit on the potty.  Now, this is not a new thing.  Especially when he had instances of struggling to go or having not gone for a day or two, I would incorporate sitting on the potty as an extra help so he could go.  It was so infrequent and didn’t feel like a priority to add to our already busy daily schedule, so I recently gifted his old potty seat.

After getting this recommendation and attempting a potty-sit experience with me fully supporting him so he didn’t fall in, I realized neither of us would be comfortable – at all – in that scenario.  I found a really nice potty seat on Amazon that has a little back rest and handles on the side.  Today marks day 3 of us using it, along with his bathroom stool to prop his feet on, and he seems very comfortable.  In order to maximize comfort with it – and also the time we currently have at home – I have had him sit on the potty three times a day: after breakfast, after lunch (when he receives his Miralax dose), and before bed.

If you’re still reading, you actually got to the good part.

For the first time ever, Kiran went in the potty today after lunch!!!!!

He has never gone (1 or 2) in the potty, despite having had pretty good exposure to sitting on it.  And I almost didn’t put him on, because he had already soiled his diaper before we wrapped lunch up and got down to the bathroom.

I think it surprised him as much as it surprised me, but he didn’t seem scared or worried about the experience.  He did decide he was all done sitting on the potty shortly afterwards, however.  He let me know by leaning forward so far, I had to catch him as he fell into me.

I am excited about this, but probably not for the reasons many of you are thinking.  I am sure the first thought (because I know it would’ve been mine) is “Yay, now you can get him potty-trained!”

The truth is – as much as it has been hard to admit it and I feel a need to justify it – that is not a goal I have for Kiran right now.

I wasn’t ever able to fully put into words, so I am going to steal (summarize) words a friend told me yesterday, that her child’s doctor had shared with her: If he is unable to communicate to me that he needs to use the potty, but I am able to incorporate potty time into our day and keep him clean/dry, who have I really trained: him or me?

And quite frankly, right now, I don’t have the capacity to be trained.  This is not a priority I can – in good conscience – add to our already full days.  What matters to me with this is that it may help his body effectively expel waste more comfortably.  I can commit to once or twice a day (Because let’s be honest, 3 times a day may not be realistic after this period has passed and we are back to our regularly scheduled life), but I don’t think I want to be constantly sitting him on the potty in an attempt to get out of diapers.

Do I hope he gets to a place cognitively/developmentally where he is ready to be potty-trained?  Yes.  Do I think he is there right now?  I don’t.  And that is what it is, and I have accepted it long ago.  I have accepted diapers might be lifelong for him.

Today’s celebration had nothing to do with getting out of diapers or starting the process of potty-training Kiran.  Today’s celebration had to do with pain-free, effective poop!!!!! – with the added bonus that it was all much easier to clean up because he happened to be on the potty when he went!

I don’t care who you are, that’s good shit! (I had to. Forgive the language.)