Day 60

I have been doing a good job navigating this current virus situation without taking up Kiran’s medical team’s time. This has been somewhat intentional on my part.

I don’t need them to weigh in, necessarily, at this stage of the journey.

Let’s face it: I am GOOD at the restrict and protect stage.

I am less good when it comes time to think about adding risk back in. So today, after my processing yesterday and some guidance from a friend, I decided it was time to start some conversations.

I tend to turn to the same two people – Kiran’s pediatrician here in town and his cardiologist in Iowa City. Both are thoughtful, even-keel professionals who have always acknowledged and respected my place on Kiran’s care team.

Here’s what really threw me for a loop and made me think it was time to reach out: Kiran’s preschool teacher, who is so good at caring about Kiran and keeping his medical needs at the forefront of her mind, mentioned to me that all it would take is a note from his doctor to get homebound services started in the fall if necessary.

My knee jerk reaction was to panic. And then as I calmed down, I started feeling like that would not be a necessary step for Kiran. IF school reopens in brick and mortar in the fall, it will likely be a risk worth taking to have Kiran back in the classroom with his peers.

Both his cardiologist and pediatrician agreed with that, at this point. From a medical risk perspective, they would fully support sending Kiran back to school if that is what we decided was best for our family.

Of course, one of them said “If schools open up in the fall” and one of them said “Schools are going to close down again. I don’t see how they couldn’t. So I think that decision will ultimately be made for you.” ….

Also, from both of them, validation was received for the plan Arif and I already agreed to – they both feel it is wise to wait until mid-June (or even end of June) before we start doing anything different with Kiran. We stay the course so we can watch viral activity now that things are opening back up. And we got validation for the plan I proposed as far as how we would approach re-entry – namely, appointments first (medical, therapy, dental) and letting close people back into our lives in a non-virtual manner (Eric). We would still avoid taking Kiran to stores or doing any unnecessary activities (including spending time with people who would bring in a lot of risk) as we continue to stay informed. A lot of wait and watch. Watch and wait.

I feel less crazy. I am not sure how many times it will take before I realize I can – and should – trust my well-thought-out instincts when it comes to Kiran’s well-being. Although I’m not particularly happy it will be another 30 days – and even then, only if viral activity is finally decreasing – before we get to spend time with Eric.

This sucks. And honestly, I have questioned at times if I was being too restrictive – too protective. Turns out, I was just being smart. I was just doing what was in Kiran’s best interest, to keep him healthy and safe … as much as that is in my power. And that’s what I will continue to do.

Here’s to another thirty days ………

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