What do you do when it all just seems too much?

When your son is scared and frustrated during his teeth cleaning at the dentist, and your heart just breaks as you help hold him still?

When you go to the grocery store and today (maybe it’s your mood, I’m not pointing fingers), it seems everyone just stares and moves away?

When he’s uncomfortable and backed up after his weekend away, and you are trying every trick in the book, but the poop won’t come (and you are so tired of poop being such a huge part of your life)?

When you have your last weekly feeding therapy session, and you feel like a failure while also feeling relief while also wondering what the future holds for him?

But most importantly, when another heart warrior in your family (though you have never met him but have interacted online and even sent him a Halloween card because it’s his favorite holiday and was most likely his last)…is declared brain dead, and his family has to say goodbye?

The panic rises, because he has the same diagnosis – the exact same – TOF with PA and MAPCAs – as Kiran, so you wonder how much time you really have left.  This little warrior has put up a good fight, and he is only 5 or 6 years old.  And now his family is heartbroken, and you are heartbroken right along with them…..

And you wonder if God is listening – and you certainly don’t appreciate His answers if He is….

Today, what I do?  I eat a giant pile of bbq chips.  I write.  I snuggle Kiran, and we read books.  And I cry and cry.