I give good advice.  “Don’t worry about crossing bridges you haven’t come to yet.”

Yes, I stole that advice.  Obviously.  It’s been around for awhile, but I am good at reminding people of it.

Except myself.  This preschool bridge is looming in the distance.  It seems like such a large, long, terrifying bridge to have to cross.  It’s like one of those swaying rope bridges, precariously swinging with every step, the type you’re afraid to even look down from…and I see it.  It’s right up ahead.  How do I keep myself from worrying about it, when it’s all I can think about?

It doesn’t help that before the bridge comes a long path, filled with assessments and meetings and paperwork.  It doesn’t help that my weekly calendar has been filled up with all of these things and will be for the entire time leading up to the actual bridge.

Maybe I’m analogizing wrong.  No, I don’t care that’s likely not a real word.

Maybe I’m already on the bridge.  Does that give me permission to worry?  I seem to be spinning out around this whole thing today.  My brain is a little quieter, because I took the time to email our early access team to ask questions that have been on a list for weeks now.  But I keep looking at the supply list, thinking about what other things Kiran may need in the classroom.  I keep glancing over at the paperwork the nurse gave us on Friday to fill out, and I dread – always – filling out medical paperwork.  How do you possibly list his entire medical history?  You tell me.  Maybe I’ll give her a link to this blog.

I know it’s going to be okay.  I know that this bridge will get crossed, like every other bridge we’ve come to so far.  We will get to the other side.  In fact, I will likely look back and think how silly I was to fear this bridge so much.  With its crossing will come much joy and relief and the continuation of Kiran’s progress in all areas.  I know this.

But I have trouble letting go.

I know, shocker.

I think what scares me the most is I have been able to walk across almost all of the bridges Kiran has come to in his life so far.  And this preschool bridge?  It’s a bridge that leads to other bridges…bridges Kiran will sometimes have to cross without me.  I know every parent faces this.  I know it’s exactly the goal of parenting: to get your child to a place where they can cross bridges without you.  It’s harder, when your child needs more help.  It’s harder, trusting others to walk across with him.

It’s a long road ahead, but we journey together.

I can’t cross every bridge with him.  I wish I could.

Maybe I should build a bridge called Homeschool.



One thought on “Bridges

  1. You have every right to be terrified of this bridge. But I am confident that you will cross this bridge with all the strength and courage you have … the same way you have crossed every bridge before this one.
    Allow yourself to be afraid. I know that even in your fear you will show Kiran the way to be truly courageous. You have never given up … you may have taken some time to reflect and allow sorrow to be dealt with, but you have always stood right back up and journeyed on.
    Let the fear be what it is and allow it to help you get the answers that will dissolve all your doubts.


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