Writing My Story

Despite Kiran still battling a cold/cough combo, we had a really good day today.  The type of day when I finally make it out of bed before he does, which means the dishwasher is empty, the bottles made, and my breakfast half eaten before he wakes up.  The type of day when I decide it’s a really good idea to coordinate Kiran’s morning nap with a nice long walk.  When he takes a long afternoon nap, and I am able to not only shower and fold/put away two loads of laundry, but also have time to relax.  When, during his pump feeding session this afternoon, we snuggle and read several books together.

It is one of those days when I am able to realize that I am in charge of my own story, just as Kiran, in many ways, is in charge of his (and certainly will be, completely, someday, sooner than I’d like to think).

We have a lot to celebrate, and we are approaching my favorite time of the year.  I love the holiday season, and I am looking forward to so much wonderful time with family and friends and my darling boy.

I don’t want my story to revolve around feeding frustrations.  I don’t.  I plan to continue to try new things – and once he is a little more recovered, will be moving forward again with the blended food diet transition – and I plan to move forward with Childserve (hopefully) once he has his feeding evaluation.  I will continue to offer him food – a variety of food – but I don’t want it to consume our days.  I don’t want to remember Thanksgiving and Christmas 2016 as a time of frustration.  And I don’t want to give Kiran a complex about food.  I want him to enjoy it.

Surprise, surprise – He refuses to operate on my timetable.  He’s writing his own story.  I could fight it – or try to – but it only makes my story harder.  More frustrating.  Sadder.

I want him to have days full of love and books and walks and laughter and friends and – yes, food – and snuggles and kisses and … did i mention love?  We get to celebrate his bravery and strength and LIFE, and I don’t want to lose sight of that inside a daily frustration about how I feed him.  I’m working to let this one go.  It will be what it will be, and I can only do so much.  So, I’m choosing my story.  It’s a story full of more good days like this, with so much to enjoy and celebrate.

He will start eating orally when he’s ready … or … he won’t.  Either way, he is Kiran, and we are writing our stories together.  I’m thankful.


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