Panic

I am trying to trust the process.  Desperately trying to trust the process.  The panic is rising, from the bottom of my stomach clear up to my throat.  I feel like I am shaking, though physically, I am not.  Panic.

December 7th.  That is the first MAPCA surgery date Dr. Hanley has available.  I knew he scheduled out far in advance, but I wasn’t prepared to hear that date.

Of course, I asked the question: My son is going to need surgery before then; what happens when he needs surgery?  And I was reassured: Dr. Hanley will review his case, and he will move patients around as necessary.

Trust the process.  I have had to trust it so far; I need to continue to trust.  Right?

The most frustrating thing about this?  I still can’t plan.  We still don’t have an actual surgery date.  There is no way Kiran will remain clinically stable until December.  So, we are still in a state of limbo.  This will slowly drive me insane; of this, I am sure.

 

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