Today, I fought for you. It won’t be the last time, but I hope it will be the last time in a courtroom.

I feel the need to share this, not only because it is a big deal, but also because with it, I carry a big sadness.

I am now your sole legal and physical guardian.

There are a million reasons I needed to protect you – and us – in this way, but the main one is simply this: Your father left and lives in Seattle now. I will never understand the choices he made, after being heavily involved in your life for so many years. I can’t imagine the heartbreak I would feel if I were in that position.

I don’t know how much of it you understand. We have been honest with you about the situation, but we don’t really bring it up often. You have only asked about him once, on your communication device, and that was before he left the state but after he stopped seeing you regularly.

This is never what I wanted. His story would be so different than mine. It is okay that he is telling it; okay that I am the evil person in the saga of his life. Those that really know ME know that throughout Kiran’s entire life, I have made the choices I felt were needed so he could be safe, well cared for, and loved. I have always valued, honored, and respected his relationship and time with his father, unless it was impacting his care in a negative manner. The legal boundaries I have sought throughout this have always been about what Kiran needs in the current situation.

And – I have always given him a chance – to talk it out with me. To collaborate on a new plan – to not go the legal route. What happened in the default order in that courtroom today is much more strict than what I outlined for him as a starting point before he left Iowa.

This is never what I wanted for Kiran, but it was necessary.

So that’s my truth. And that’s where things stand.

I am relieved. And I am deeply, deeply heartbroken.