Seven years ago, at about this time, I was having contractions. A lot of them. With little break in between. For hours.
I didn’t have time to really dwell on my fears when I was actively in labor, bringing Kiran into the world. In quieter moments during my pregnancy, I had ample time to ruminate over the “what ifs”….
But in those active moments, inside contraction after contraction, all I could focus on was that moment, getting through the pain.
It seems a good metaphor for my life, lately. It has been yet another season of contraction after contraction, painful moment after painful moment, being pulled through a lot of darkness. All I can focus on is surviving the moment I’m in.
Last night, I pulled myself out of that survival mode as I reminisced about the drive to the hospital to be induced to have our baby boy. And I remembered the overwhelming fear. And I acknowledged – internally – that I still carry fear in my heart when it comes to this little boy.
The difference is living for seven years as his mama and taking on all the experiences that has entailed has equipped me to work through the fear and take on the painful fight. Again and again. Wave after wave comes at me, and I just keep pushing.
Resilience isn’t something you have; it’s something you practice.