Best Made Plans

What do you do when your plans fall through? Not just every once in awhile, but often? When it feels like every time you turn around, you are trying to piece together a new plan, when you really liked the way the old one looked?

Covid exposure and symptoms led Kiran and me to have to, once again, pivot this past week. Thankfully, we both tested negative for Covid several times, and our symptoms never went beyond mild – no fevers, just some junk and crud.

For me, physically, my body often gets sick when I “let down” after a long period of being in survival mode. I woke up Tuesday morning feeling a bit off, so when I found out Tuesday afternoon we had been exposed two days prior, I think my body just let in whatever virus was trying to break through.

Somehow, I felt like if it was Covid, I had the “right” to be sick. I could justify taking it easy. I was validated in staying home and resting.

I’m glad I never tested positive, and I am glad for the mental and emotional work I have been doing very recently, because I was able to work through that thinking this week. Regardless of what it is or why – even if I’m just plain tired – I am allowed to rest. I deserve to rest. I need to rest.

And though our new plan, which includes no respite care last week or this coming week, in order to not share our germs with others, means the balance I am trying so hard to achieve is off…there is also good in this plan. Last week, I got a lot of snuggle time with Kiran, and we watched his favorite movies (the Troll movies – bright colors and music all the way!) Over the weekend, K was with his dad, so I utilized that time to both rest and tackle the schoolwork I had to, setting me up for a fairly easy last week this week.

And today, K is helping me get through the laundry that piled up, change the bedding, and overall just reset a bit in the house. We will still stick close to home for a couple days, just to be sure, but I have plans I’m excited for when we start venturing out again later this week.

It’s hard for me to not feel like resting is a waste of time, even when I don’t feel well. It’s hard to not feel like we wasted the beautiful weather last week, when we will be stuck indoors with the hot temps promised this week.

But, in case someone else needs to hear it, resting is not a waste of time. It is necessary and important. And you don’t have to wait until you have Covid or feel ill to do it. So – here’s to working toward finding time to rest on a regular basis. Perhaps it will help my body not get sick because I am regularly “letting down” from all the stress and busyness of life.


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