This is the last week before my spring semester starts. Instead of taking two classes, because it wouldn’t disrupt when I can apply for grad school, I opted to drop down to just one class. I am hopeful this will allow a little more balance in my world as I continue to juggle everything Covid and life has thrown my way.

I spent a decent amount of time on the phone yesterday with a scheduler trying to coordinate some upcoming appointments for Kiran in Iowa City. I am still waiting on a callback for one particular appointment which has been surprisingly difficult to get scheduled, but most of 2021’s appointments are now on the calendar.

I was surprised that he was due for his two year follow-up with genetics. I just can’t believe it has been two years since we decided to do the whole exome sequencing. I am excited to see if any more research has been done on his rare substitution.

Today, I have spent the majority of my day swallowing down panic over an abnormal lab result that came in this morning. I have already emailed and gotten a response from his oncologist, but the response was essentially she will need to “weigh in all the other results combined” before discussing what this result may mean with us.

The waiting is always the worst for me. Try as I might, I spiral to the deepest, darkest places. It must mean the worst thing, because that’s the card life has dealt me too many times. I googled it – I always do, even though my advice is nobody should ever do this – and it actually doesn’t make sense to me that this particular lab would be elevated for Kiran. So despite the panic and the dark, I am hopeful and see some light that perhaps the oncologist has a simple, non-tumor explanation for it, especially since all the other labs so far have come back normal.

We played – but didn’t win – the billion dollar lottery jackpot. If we had, in a heartbeat, I would just be Kiran’s mom full-time. It’s a full-time job, after all. I learn that every time I have a break from school, when life just doesn’t slow down. It fills in, with my favorite part of all my jobs – mother.