I have been doing a very good job of staying calm and rational this week. I have kept myself informed and educated, I have vetted the sources where I am getting my information, and I have been diligent in not adding to the panic and hysteria that is unnecessary in the face of the uncertainty we are now living in.
But this morning, during online worship, all of the calm and rational inside me finally broke open, and my fear spilled out.
Truth: I am scared. I am worried. My anxiety is through the roof, and I have no perfect answers on what I should be doing right now to ensure my son’s safety.
At times, I am angry. I want to shake people. I want to make them understand the reality of what’s happening in our world right now.
I can’t make decisions for anyone else. I can’t control this.
I am scared to even share my biggest fear in all of this, but I will. I don’t want to, because I don’t want to be accused of overreacting. But this is my blog about my son and our journey, and I have always been honest about my feelings.
In Italy, right now, health care workers are forced to play God, in a way, and decide who deserves to live and who has to die. They do not have enough ventilators and other equipment to help everyone who is critically ill.
I know the information out there is not indicating that children are getting this or suffering huge complications from this virus; I have been watching specifically for that data. I also know that Kiran has 2 of the 10 underlying conditions that make this virus more serious and even deadly.
Do you see where I am going with this?
My biggest fear is that the United States will end up in a situation like Italy. Our healthcare system will not be able to keep up with the number of critically ill patients that are infected with this virus, and they will be forced to make decisions on who will get the ventilators and other life-saving treatments.
And I am afraid that if my son contracts this virus and has complications, his life will not be deemed valuable enough to be saved.
So if you think my actions in the past week or in the weeks to come seem overprotective or overreactive, just know I am trying to balance all of the information while carrying this deep fear. Also know that I don’t care, and this mama bear will, as always, do whatever it takes to protect her son.