I seem to be in deep denial about Kiran’s appointment tomorrow. I keep pushing it out of my mind – and even now, while lying in bed thinking about the week – I seem to glaze over the fact tomorrow will, in fact, be an Iowa City day.

Kiran is getting a cognitive evaluation done tomorrow at the Center for Disabilities and Development.

I have no idea what to expect.

How do you assess cognitive ability for a developmentally delayed not-yet-3-year-old?

I know enough to know the results will hurt this mama heart deeply.  I know it will bring the all-familiar grief cycle back to the beginning again.

I also know, in my heart of hearts, the results don’t matter. They don’t add or subtract from Kiran’s value in any way. Nor do they change who he is and what he brings, not only to my world but to all who know him.

But man, I dread and push off and deny tomorrow is here. I am not looking forward to it.