We had a long afternoon yesterday at the Center for Disabilities and Development. Kiran participated in what is called the Neurodevelopmental Clinic. Basically, we saw, in a staggered fashion, a specialized pediatrician, a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, and a speech language pathologist. We had new sets of eyes take a look at where he is and express concerns, give recommendations and just give us a fresh perspective.

It was a long afternoon. Overall, I would say it was worth it. We have some good things to take back to our team at home who know Kiran best. Arif and I ultimately decided the experience was valuable enough to repeat annually (unless concerns arise or something stumps us/our regular team) but not something we want to do on their proposed schedule (every six months).

The biggest thing that came from this was the pediatrician recommended a cognitive evaluation for Kiran.

I don’t talk about this piece often, because this mama’s heart struggles with this possible reality more than any other. When Kiran was a day old, I remember looking at him and just – knowing – how do you say this about your child the right way? Just knowing that he wasn’t all there. I just sensed that, intellectually, something was going on.

Throughout the last couple of years, I have been able to push that thinking aside. For awhile, it was easy to explain away his global delays because of his heart. But then, though progress has always been forward-moving, it has been so slow. And as I have watched Kiran grow more and more and gotten to know him better and better, it has become more apparent to me that there has to be something else going on we don’t know about yet.

I am surprised it took someone new, meeting Kiran for the first time, to recommend this. I am surprised his regular team hasn’t suggested it. However, I did briefly look into cognitive evaluations for young children, and it looks like he is right at the age they are able to start testing this, so maybe the recommendation would have come. Perhaps the MRI results would have led us there. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to really face it all until now.

Kiran is Kiran. He is doing his own thing. He is on his own schedule. He is his own dude. And he is one of the coolest, sweetest human beings I know. As a friend of mine said – He just oozes personality.

So whatever these cognitive things show: the brain MRI in May and now the evaluation in August – they just help us understand better who Kiran is. They don’t change him. He already IS.

But boy, do they change me.