Strength

Why am I awake at 11:30 pm when it has been a long, exhausting, emotional day?  Because I had to set an alarm for an hour ago to put an ointment in Kiran’s right eye, and then my brain switched on. I couldn’t possibly rest until I had fully wrapped my head around his eyedrops/ointment schedule and written down my questions for the eye doctor tomorrow.  We meet with him in 7 hours, because he was gracious enough to meet with us first thing so we can drive home in the morning. 

I was pretty ill yesterday. I was exhausted this morning. None of it mattered when the alarm went off at 4:40 am because it was go time. We had to be on the road by 5:30 this morning. None of it mattered when I had to answer a million questions and try to understand consent for scenarios I hadn’t allowed myself to imagine, all before my first sip of coffee because I wasn’t sure my stomach was ready to handle it yet. None of it mattered when I kissed my son and handed him over to the anesthesiologist one more time, trusting all would be well. And it certainly didn’t matter once he found his way back into my arms after a few drawn-out hours of waiting. 

I’d fight through anything to stand by my son’s side fighting for him. Some may say it’s the strength of a mother’s love – I say it’s all I can give, for this little lion of mine: He is far stronger than I will ever be. 

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