To my baby

My dear, sweet Kiran,

It is so easy to love you – and so scary. My heart is full; you have filled it with your smiles, your enthusiastic chatter, your urgent cries, your snuggles. Because of this – because I love you with all I am – I have woken up every day this week with anxiety squeezing my heart. 

Logically, everything will go smoothly tomorrow. You have proven how strong you are already, by being discharged from a second case cardiac cath on the same day.  You don’t mess around. You are one tough little fighter. 

But. 

It’s that but that scares me. It is all those what ifs swirling around in my mind that make me take extra time to rock with you this week. That make me pause and hold you tighter every chance I get. 

I never want you to doubt how much you are loved. I never want my fear to keep you from living your little life at its fullest capacity. 

I have to come back to your theme song, chosen in the womb:

“Give em hell, turn their heads; gonna live life til we’re dead. Give me scars, give me pain; then they’ll say to me (say to me, say to me):

THERE GOES THE FIGHTER”

You are a beautiful kid, and your mama loves you tremendously. 💙

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