It is 3 a.m. It has been a long night. Kiran had his two month appointment yesterday and got his first round of vaccines. Largely, he’s been doing ok. He had a very low fever – not even really considered a fever, even, but a little high for him – and he has definitely been a little fussy. Nothing snuggles won’t fix. 

He is actually sleeping very well and seemingly comfortably tonight, but his pulse Oximeter alarm keeps going off. I keep jumping up to check on him, and he has no symptoms. His coloring is fine, and his breathing is not labored.  I’m not sure what is going on, but we see the cardiologist this afternoon (thankfully, an already scheduled appointment). 

The worrying and what ifs are keeping me up, and when I do finally drift off, the alarm sounds again. I have finally given up on the concept of sleep at all – not to say I won’t still lay down – I just surrender this night’s sleep. 

I am sure it is the first of many sleepless nights, with hospital stays and normal childhood illnesses in my future. I don’t even really mind the not sleeping, other than the one side effect: when I am tired, the tears flow much more easily.