Lighten my Darkness

Eric and I attended the Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant Christmas concert last night.  I love Amy Grant.  I always have, but seeing her perform – she was gracious, she didn’t take herself seriously, she was real and fun – I was just so impressed with her as a human.  What a light she shone – her banter and conversation with the crowd blessed me as much as her songs did.

One song in particular of hers has always been a favorite of mine: Breath of Heaven, a song for Mary.  And in no way would I ever compare myself to Mary, or my challenges to what she faced in her culture at her age; but man, this song spoke to me in a way it never has before.

“Breath of heaven; HOLD ME TOGETHER; Be forever near me; Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven; LIGHTEN MY DARKNESS; Pour over me your holiness; For youre holy.”

It is the prayer of my heart on an almost daily basis, especially lately, even if the prayer never actually reaches my lips or consciousness.  Hold me together.  Lighten my darkness.  Help me with this heavy load.  Let me rest, for I am weary.

This week is called Dead Week.  It is the week before finals.  I have a regular exam to take, a final project to edit/perfect, a group discussion summary to help write/edit, one final exam to take, and one to start studying like crazy for that I have to take Monday.

That isn’t even what is really exhausting me.  I have more important things that want my attention this week.  Parent-teacher conferences finally on Tuesday morning.  Regular therapies and life schedule for Kiran.  Help-a-Heart’s Christmas party Thursday night.  And apparently, in true optimistic fashion, I got Kiran and I tickets to see The Little Engine that Could (ha, fitting) at the Des Moines Playhouse on Friday afternoon.  My mom wants to start making Christmas goodies this weekend with me.  My attention is pulled to so many more important, more fun, more it’s-that-time-of-the-year things….and I just want classes to wrap up already!

I am still recovering from some viral junk, and my body just *feels* heavy this morning, physically.  My brain feels fuzzy.  My motivation is not where it should be.  My attitude is not pleasant surrounding school’s pull on my life and time this week.

Lighten my darkness.  That one sticks out above the rest for me this morning.

Please, Lord, lighten my darkness.

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