I spent most of the morning crying.
Really, I’m still not done. Sometimes, I think, everything just bubbles up until it has to spill out. And sometimes, it doesn’t take much to release the waterworks.
I got a text from Kiran’s dad this morning, asking if we can set up a new system to make sure he is aware of special days at school. Because today was pajama day, and Kiran was supposedly the only one not wearing pajamas.
Problem is, I had no idea it was pajama day. Because I read the daily note that is sent home, I read the monthly school newsletter that is sent home, I read the all school emails that are sent out….I was the kid in school who read all the assigned reading, and I read everything now too.
So I spent the morning feeling guilty and wondering how in the world I had missed something like this. I am not perfect. I will be the first one to tell you. BUT. THIS stuff, I am good at. I am organized. I am a calendar expert. If there was a special day noted, I would have immediately put it in the shared Kiran calendar his dad has access to.
Our lives are too busy to not be put together in this way. And without my calendar (and notes), I wouldn’t survive.
But it was more than just the guilt. It brought up so much of the other stuff. Kiran couldn’t tell us that today was pajama day. It just puts a giant spotlight on his limitations, and that is always a difficult pill to swallow. And not only that, but now he had to be different – in another way – from his classmates, showing up handsomely dressed instead of in comfy pjs.
Of course, he doesn’t care. Again, this is one of those things that is my problem, not his. I take great comfort in that, but it doesn’t make my mama’s heart ache any less.
I just found out moments ago: It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t miss something. Today – coincidentally – Kiran was out of his daily note, so his information was sent home on the daily note his classmates receive. I noticed there was some typed information on the note, which we never see on his daily note. So it made me wonder. And I decided to send his teacher an email to figure out how we missed the memo, to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
What I found out: an all-school email that was supposedly sent out yesterday, wasn’t. Something must have happened in the system, and it wasn’t received by at least some parents. And the PJ day announcement was something sent home on the daily note his classmates receive, and Kiran was, unfortunately, forgotten.
I’m relieved and not at all angry. It is SO much easier for me to show grace to others in their humanness than it is for me to forgive myself for the same.
We have decided to switch Kiran to the classroom note everyone receives, so we don’t miss any other important announcements.
All because of pajamas.