One Year Old

In a perfect world, I would have had the time and energy to sit down on Kiran’s birthday (Friday, October 21st) to reflect on all this year has brought us.  Or perhaps I would have penned a poem, describing in flowery language everything he has taught me and all the joy his presence brings to my life.

Instead, I spent that entire day – and the entire weekend that followed – doing exactly what I should have done, tucked inside my imperfect world.  I cherished every moment with him, and we celebrated like we’ve never celebrated before!

On Friday, Arif and I took him to the pumpkin patch.  Though I am thankful we finally did this, as it had been on our to-do list all fall, we realized upon arrival there was nothing much he’d really appreciate there.  And at $10 per person, we opted to just take some cute fall photos and buy some pumpkins.  Still.  Fun outing!

We then welcomed our good friend from Seattle.  Friday afternoon was largely spent baking the birthday cake (Arif’s jurisdiction; he practiced a couple times earlier in the week!) and playing with the birthday boy.  We then had our closest family over for pizza, cupcakes, and ice cream.  Gifts were given.  Cake was tried.  It was a beautiful night.

Saturday was the big party day.  All morning we worked in preparation for Kiran’s lion-themed party.  We had many friends (including kids!) and family come to join us in our rather large celebration of Kiran’s life.  Though fun, this was probably the most exhausting part of the birthday weekend.  We were so thankful, though, for everyone who came to love on Kiran and celebrate his life with us.

Kiran was pretty exhausted from his party too.  He went to bed early Saturday night, and we had a couple friends over for a very lowkey fire in the backyard firepit.  This is easily my favorite thing to do on these crisp fall nights – it’s a wonder I don’t beg Arif to do it every single night!

Sunday was the Superhero Heart Run, which all but two from Team Keen on Kiran walked.  We had such an incredible turnout for our team (and all the others) – it was a lot of fun!  Probably the most emotional part of the entire weekend for me was the Heart Kids Parade right before the run began.  To make it even more momentous in my mind, it was immediately followed by a bubble blowing for the Heart Angels who have passed away.  All I could think, walking next to Arif and behind Kiran in his Captain America shirt, was: I am so lucky to be walking in the parade with my son instead of blowing bubbles to honor his memory.  So lucky.

This weekend could have been so different.  Our story with Kiran could have gone so incredibly differently.  I never lose sight of that.  It is always tucked back behind every challenging thought, every fear, every frustration…I always know, deep in my heart, I would take all of that over the alternative.

So, my sweet darling Kiran, know this: This has been the best and hardest year of my life.  I am so thankful to be your mom.  I cannot imagine my life without you in it.  I am the luckiest woman in the world.  And I love you more than I could ever begin to express in a silly little blog.

You are my sunshine.


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