I think it all just really hit me when putting Kiran to bed tonight. I sit here now, minutes later, tears in my eyes, reflecting with a smile, thinking ahead with a whole lotta uncertainty.

I am SO incredibly lucky and blessed that I got to be the main caregiver, a stay-at-home mom (and yes – student for many years too) for almost ten years. I only got to do this because I was willing to sacrifice things, like an actual bedroom the three years we lived with my parents. And because I had people who decided they love my son and me enough to support us while I pursued and finished my grad degree.

I am lucky. And I am so thankful.

I continue to be lucky that those same people are willing to step up now and take on some of the daily caregiving duties, like school drop off and pick up. Since my job has a rather hefty commute, I won’t be able to take that on anymore. (And while it makes me a tiny bit sad, I will NOT miss the school parking lot!)

I don’t know what my life is going to look like, being a working mama. I know that it will challenge me in ways I have considered and ways I have yet to consider. Striking a balance will be hard. Letting go of caregiving duties will be hard. I have had practice, and that will help, but this is the real deal.

I’m excited – and ready – to have something that is mine and separate from being Kiran’s mom and caregiver. I know I have written about that before, and it remains true. It also remains true that he will continue to be my priority, and I just don’t know how that will look all the time.

I suppose that’s okay, and I will find my footing. I am really happy I will get to come alongside other families and support them in their communication. Coming up with family- and child-centered ideas and strategies fulfills me in a way that’s hard to explain. I want to be a clinician who really sees these kids and really sees their families. I think that’s one of the benefits of the perspective I bring to this table.

A part of me is certainly sad, tonight. It’s the end of an era and the beginning of something new.

I really am so lucky to have this life.