Being a human is so weird.

Tonight, Eric completely caught me off guard by throwing me a surprise graduation party. I was blown away by the people he thought to include, the people who took time out of a random Wednesday night during a busy season to come and show me love and celebrate my accomplishments.

I didn’t know speech language pathologists existed prior to Kiran. His journey, both with communication and feeding, has been long, difficult, triumphant, and disheartening. I can honestly say that I would have never gone back to school and pursued this career path had it not been for him. His journey inspired me and made me passionate about this field.

Along the way, somehow, I recaptured parts of my own identify, separate from motherhood. I made connections with peers in my cohort – lifelong friends who struggled and encouraged right alongside me.

This has not been an easy path.

I have to, first and foremost, thank Kiran. Buddy, who you are as a person has made me better. Your birth significantly separated my life into a Before and an After. I could write an entire book series on this, but people may just have to read my blog from the beginning. Truth: I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so lucky to be your mama. I will advocate for you with every breath for the rest of my days, and you have inspired me to advocate for others like you that need to find their voice and their place in a world not made for them.

Eric. You have had me at my best and worst in the past several years on this academic journey. Through it all, you have stepped up and filled the gaps, supporting me in both logistics and emotions. Every time I questioned my abilities, my worth, my sanity…you were right there to remind me who I am and why I was on this path. I would have never completed this degree if you hadn’t been by my side doing whatever it took. Thank you for supporting me in all the ways.

My parents. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. Just like parenthood has not been the journey I always dreamed of, your grandparenthood…well, it’s a lot. You always step up in the ways you can. Your love for Kiran – and for me – has been invaluable. I have relied on you to help with Kiran care regularly in the past year for sure, and you have always made the trip to Eau Claire with enthusiasm. Thank you for encouraging and celebrating me.

All of Kiran’s respite care providers: you have been invaluable. You have given me the time and space to study – or to escape caregiving duties. One in particular has been waiting for her shout-out, and I have to give it genuinely: Baylee, you have regularly been in our lives every week for almost three years. You have been an integral part to helping me maintain my sanity during grad school, and I can honestly say I wouldn’t have survived without your help and exceptional care of Kiran.

To my cohort: oof. We made it. I cannot count the many times we held each other up when we weren’t sure we could actually write another reflection, complete another project, find another placement…. When I wanted to throw my hands up and quit at one very poignant point, you all reeled me back in with your empathy and encouragement. We can do hard things. We did this, together.

My very last day of my clinical placements is tomorrow. I will walk away with the 400 hours I need for my licensing. I graduated a week and a half ago. I have a job lined up, the job I envisioned when I started this journey. I feel so incredibly blessed and so flabbergasted that I’m actually here.

Ultimately, to myself: You are a badass. You did this. The incredibly hard thing, juggling so much, letting go of so much, allowing others to step in and support. I have learned so much, grown so much, and ultimately changed the trajectory of my life. I did this.

I am a Master.