I just finished the second week of my first full-time placement for my graduate program. It is the first time in Kiran’s nine years of life that I have been out of the house all day every day during the week. Needless to say, it has been an adjustment for our family (HUGE shout-out to Eric, who is now the main transportation to/from school every day except Wednesday – and shout-out to Nana, who has bravely taken on the school parking lot on Wednesdays)

I am so thankful that the schedule is such that I really only miss out on the last half hour at home in the mornings, and I am almost always home right as or right after Kiran gets home from school. It is easing us all into this new normal.

It has been a really interesting experience, throughout my graduate program, part-time placements, and now this full-time placement, experiencing the dichotomy of emotions that come with embracing another part of my personhood. On the one hand, I am really enjoying learning and diving in on sessions. I don’t mind not being the sole person handling all of Kiran’s care. On the other hand, I have some guilt around all of that, too. And I miss (almost) always being the one.

I am SO incredibly thankful I was able to be home as much as I was for the first nine years of Kiran’s life. Even two years ago, it would have been really difficult to swing being out of the house full-time. I am thankful for all the mountains and valleys, twists and turns life has taken our family on, because it has allowed us to be in a place for all this to even be feasible.

And I am so glad that I have chosen a career – and intend to pursue a position within that career – that will allow me to still be the primary caregiver for Kiran and be the one who is home with him during time off from school, including summers.

It is such an interesting experience, coming into myself in ways that make me feel more fully ME, even though it means everything about how our family works will be different. When it all comes down to it, my favorite title will always be Mom, but it is nice adding more titles and being more.

I had no idea I would feel this way.