I’m winging it over here.

Don’t get me wrong; I have the utmost confidence that I am a good mom and caregiver to Kiran. I have all the love in the world – I fight fiercely for him when necessary – I have grown and learned so much along the way.

But I have no idea what I’m doing.

I am constantly exposed to ideas I’ve never thought of and then suddenly have new things to ponder. Changes that need to be made.

Especially as he is getting older, I am thinking so much more about things like dignity and consent, bodily autonomy and respect. These are things I have been thinking about for years now, but I am having to start thinking through things in different ways. Especially as he is getting more involved in the community and has more people caring for him that, often, I don’t get to directly train. Or control.

And let’s face it: I like to control everything, whenever possible.

I know that no parent knows what they are doing, but holy. crap. It’s just always more – “and” – additional things when parenting a disabled child.

I know I’m the expert when it comes to Kiran care, but I am going to need some experts to come alongside me in these transitions to come.