I wish I got to choose when my eyes fill with tears. Or when life just hits me upside the head or makes my heart ache fully.

Kiran and I just got back from a special story time at the library – it was a city bus story time, and we got to take a ride on the city bus after!

During the story time, I had to grapple with a lot of emotions. First of all – the joy – Kiran has come so far in how he is able to participate during story time. He is able to approximate actions, and he is more willing to stand up with my assistance when the activity warrants it. I was just so proud of him, and it was such a difference from what it used to be.

Kiran’s differences are becoming more stark. This isn’t a surprise to me; I knew as he got older, the gap between his abilities and those of his peers would widen. He (we) got a lot more looks today, from kids and adults, because Kiran gets excited and likes to vocalize during any group activity. I was really aware of this today, but I was also aware of something else – I am definitely a work in progress, but it bothered me less than it used to. I think my practicing mantra of “You are allowed to take up space” has helped. I know that being out in the community is just as good for the community as it is for Kiran. I know Kiran’s friendship is meaningful. I know that awareness brings about acceptance and advocacy. I still felt embarrassment when he was particularly loud during a quiet part of the story and we got lots of looks…but I also didn’t shush him. I know it’s okay for Kiran to be Kiran and to exist in this world, and I am working on my part in facilitating that truth.

I had no idea all city buses are accessible. I don’t know why I assumed this, but I thought just certain ones were – maybe because the ones that will do door-to-door service look different, and I just made an assumption that was our only option if we wanted to utilize city bus services. I’m socially awkward and anxiety-riddled, so I’m not sure I would have ever put myself in a position to try and ride a city bus with Kiran – certainly not by myself the first time. I really thought we wouldn’t be able to participate in riding the bus with all the other kids after story time…and I was really relieved to be wrong! I had to blink back tears as they put the ramp down and the driver got Kiran’s wheelchair secured. Accessibility shouldn’t be this powerful, because it should be the norm. I am thankful it is when it comes to city transportation in our area. I am thankful to have this information and even learned there is a bus line downtown that is free that takes passengers around the sculpture park – sounds like a summer adventure to me!